Dennis Miller Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Running, Humor

• Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Atheist, Humor

• There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Long Distance Relationship, Witty

• Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Ideas

• You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

  Dennis Miller

  Educational, Comedy, Problem

• Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.

  Dennis Miller

  Thinking, Half, Comedy

• The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

  Dennis Miller

  Country, Way, Becoming

  Dennis Miller (2001). “I Rant, Therefore I Am”, p.37, Crown Forum

• The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

  Dennis Miller

  White, House, United States

• It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

  Dennis Miller

  Scary, Ironic, Enough Time

• Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Humanity

• Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Light

• I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

  Dennis Miller

  Trust, Comedian, Hips

• What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Guilt

• Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Hollywood, Etch A Sketch

• A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Men

• What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

  Dennis Miller

  Business, War, Taken

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