Dylan Moran Quotes

Quotes about:

• People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

  Dylan Moran

  Encouragement, People, Comedian

  86 Copy quote

• You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

  Dylan Moran

  Children, Beer, Adults

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

  52 Copy quote

• Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  47 Copy quote

• You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Art, Nice

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

  57 Copy quote

• You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Lonely, Couple

  "Dylan Moran: What It Is". Video, 2009.

  49 Copy quote

• Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Men

  6 Copy quote

• Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture 'cause you’re too busy recording it; so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Holiday, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Video, November 15, 2004.

  51 Copy quote

• I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Want

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

  43 Copy quote

• Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

  Dylan Moran

  Love, Funny, Money

  "This much I know" by Dylan Moran, www.theguardian.com. March 6, 2004.

  70 Copy quote

• I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Lakes

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.

  5 Copy quote

• Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Bores You

  "What It Is". Stand-up by Dylan Moran, www.youtube.com. May 15, 2009.

  6 Copy quote

• Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.

  Dylan Moran

  Two, People, Healthy

  "Dylan Moran: What It Is". Documentary, Comedy, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Drug

  31 Copy quote

• Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Morning, Hate

  42 Copy quote

• I don't mind most religious people, I talk to them. I listen to them, you know, banging on. "I prayed very hard and then the fairy came." "Did he? Good. Have a biscuit." I only get annoyed when they try and make me see the fairy. "You have to let the fairy into your heart." Look, I wouldn't let him into my garden, okay? I'd shoot him on sight, if he existed, which he doesn't. Now have another biccie and be quiet, will you please?

  Dylan Moran

  Religious, Heart, Garden

  "What It Is". Documentary, Comedy, 2009.

  30 Copy quote

• Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Phones

  "What It Is". Documentary, Comedy, 2009.

  9 Copy quote

• I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where you get something and you melt cheese over it and the first one to guess what it is doesn't have to wash up. That's obviously quite Mediterranean; the other one was less complex. It was just called 'cheese fantasy.' That's where you come in, very drunk, at about five in the morning and find an apple and just pretend there's some cheese on it.

  Dylan Moran

  Morning, Two, Apples

  33 Copy quote

• Religion is the yeast of death cakes. It is the most awful agent on a vulnerable mind. It's the refuge of alienated and lonely people. It's what people had before television. It yokes people together into an imaginary world. It is just people talking to their imaginary friends, at length. I wouldn't mind, but some of the people are world leaders.

  Dylan Moran

  Lonely, Cake, Talking

  55 Copy quote

• I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Black Books". www.imdb.com. 2000–2004.

  26 Copy quote

• Vodka is a very deceptive drink, because you drink it and you think, "What is this? This is pointless! It's - you can't taste it, you can't smell it... Why did we waste our money on this, bloody - why are we on a traffic island?"

  Dylan Moran

  Smell, Taste, Drink

  "Monster". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.

  10 Copy quote

• Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Looks

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

  17 Copy quote

• And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

  12 Copy quote

• It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Squirrels

  20 Copy quote

• The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself.

  Dylan Moran

  Talking, People, Listening

  20 Copy quote

• Of course people are angry. Generation upon generation had jobs at steel mills or whatever - things were going on and it looked like it would always be that way. And then there's these cataclysmic changes and people find themselves out on their arse and they're angry and they want answers. But one thing that's for sure is that those answers will not come in the form of Donald J. Trump.

  Dylan Moran

  Jobs, People, Answers

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  9 Copy quote

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