If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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