If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
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