If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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