If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.
The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure.
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