Jack Benny Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

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  My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

  Jack Benny

  Love, Funny, Relationship

• I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Success, Crazy

• I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Humorous, Night

• A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Laughter, Children

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

• As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Class, California

• I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Men, Quitting

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