Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.
Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.
the mistakes you regret the most in your life are the ones you didn't commit when you had the chance
Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.
Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
Love will never be ideal until man recovers from the illusion that he can be just a little bit faithful or a little bit married.
The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
There's so much saint in the worst of them, and so much devil in the best of them, that a woman who's married to one of them, has nothing to learn of the rest of them.
Nobody is quite so blase and sophisticated as a boy of nineteen who is just recovering from a baby grand passion
Marriage: a souvenir of love.
There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.
Nothing annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him "forever" when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.
For repeating themselves from the first kiss to the last sigh, the average man's love affairs have History blushing with envy.
Flattery is like wine, which exhilarates a man for a moment, but usually ends by going to his head and making him act foolishly.
The dollar sign is the only sign in which the modern man appears to have any real faith.
A woman flees from temptation, but a man just crawls away from it in the cheerful hope that it may overtake him.
Eternity: The interval between the time when a woman discovers that a man is in love with her and the time when he finds it out himself and tells her about it.
Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.
Love is woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall. It is a game at which men must play against stacked cards, and without the slightest inkling of the trump.
Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.
What a man calls his 'conscience' is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.
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