I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.
If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.
Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.
Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'
I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.
I've always been interested in art.
If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.
It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.
It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.
It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.
I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of the creeping paranoia and panic.
I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.
I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.
Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?
Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.
After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.
An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.
Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.
Every generation of children has its private hero.
I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.
The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.
The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.
The best way to prepare for a night out with a Shakespearean tragedy is to do a bit of reading up in the afternoon, eat a light supper - perhaps Welsh rarebit - and then arrive early to do some stretching exercises in the foyer before curtain-up.
Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.
I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.
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