I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.
If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.
Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.
I've always been interested in art.
If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.
It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.
It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.
It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.
Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.
My eyebrows could do with a trim.
My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'
I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.
I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of the creeping paranoia and panic.
About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to this?
Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office.
Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.
After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.
An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.
Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.
I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.
I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.
I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.
Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?
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