ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.
The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin.
LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.
Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans".
True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.
REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.
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