Jon Stewart Quotes About Terror

Quotes about: Terror

• We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, War, Good Luck

  Commencement Address at The College of William & Mary, delivered 21 May 2004

• This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life."

  Jon Stewart

  Morning, Mean, Circles

• Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.

  Jon Stewart

  Leader, Fraud, Terror

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