Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

  Jon Stewart

  Hair, Looks, Should

  13 Copy quote

• Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.

  Jon Stewart

  Divorce, Gayness, Ends

  4 Copy quote

• And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Trying, Might

  4 Copy quote

• I don't think politics is any longer about a conversation with the country.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Thinking, Conversation

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.

  Jon Stewart

  Bombs, Historic, Good Sense

  4 Copy quote

• Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.

  Jon Stewart

  Horse, Jobs, People

  4 Copy quote

• If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars.

  Jon Stewart

  Advice, Dollars, Investing

  "Jon Stewart Eviscerates CNBC, Santelli On Daily Show" by Jason Linkins, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 05, 2009.

  10 Copy quote

• It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.

  Jon Stewart

  Nurse, Office, Balls

  "Jon Stewart Gets Fed Up: Dems Set The Bar So Low They’re Tripping Over It" by Dan Abramson, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 21, 2010.

  8 Copy quote

• Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving Up, War, Who Cares

  "Jon Stewart Destroys Fox News Over Syria Coverage: ‘Who Cares HOW We Avoided A War...’". www.huffingtonpost.com. September 11, 2013.

  8 Copy quote

• Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?

  Jon Stewart

  Dark, Marijuana, Listening

  7 Copy quote

• It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights...

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Rights, People

  "David Bianculli's Top 10 TV Shows Of 2008". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. December 23, 2008.

  9 Copy quote

• If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?

  Jon Stewart

  Hay, May, Constitution

  "The Daily Show". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1996 -.

  5 Copy quote

• One of the things that I do think government counts on is that people are busy. And it's very difficult to mobilize a busy and relatively affluent country, unless it's over really crucial- you know, foundational issues.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Thinking, Government

  Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.

  Jon Stewart

  People, Giving, News

  4 Copy quote

• Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.

  Jon Stewart

  Christian, Names, Guy

  4 Copy quote

• Everyone just needs to get over themselves.

  Jon Stewart

  Needs, Get Over

  5 Copy quote

• I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?

  Jon Stewart

  Teacher, School, Gay

  5 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

  Jon Stewart

  Golf, Men, Guy

  8 Copy quote

• Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.

  Jon Stewart

  Depressing, Thinking, Disease

  8 Copy quote

• In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.

  Jon Stewart

  Ocean, West Indies, Blue

  7 Copy quote

• The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led to the second largest bankruptcy in American history. Why four-and-a-half years? Because apparently it's harder to bring Ken Lay to trial than it is to invade two countries.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Years, Two

  4 Copy quote

• [John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.

  Jon Stewart

  Believe, Thinking, Years

  Source: www.truth-out.org

  4 Copy quote

• I think, with the administration they do Constitutionally-mandated things most of the time, but they don't - they fulfill the letter of their obligation to checks and balances, but not the intent.

  Jon Stewart

  Thinking, Balance, Letters

  Source: www.truth-out.org

  4 Copy quote

• How far back to the elementary school core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology caught up?

  Jon Stewart

  School, Technology, Space

  "Jon Stewart Schools Congress On Climate Change With A Simple Demonstration" By Ed Mazza, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 23, 2014.

  9 Copy quote

• I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, "Hey, I'll take the frozen part."

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Canada, Looks

  6 Copy quote

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