Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.
What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?
Montovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs that don't respond to strong drugs
We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you
Just now when I said, "I have a crush on you," you didn't say, "no way loser". I'd rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something
Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds
They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons - because they installed them
It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp
You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude
I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now
You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian
That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something
My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes
Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back
My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.
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