The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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