Bill Burr Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• You wanna know how you know you're informed as a protestor? They don't show your interview on TV.

  Bill Burr

  Interviews, Tvs, Shows

  16 Copy quote

• Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

  Bill Burr

  Gun, Pet

  45 Copy quote

• I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.

  Bill Burr

  Long, People, Guy

  Interview with Riley Coven, www.smudailycampus.com. September 17, 2015.

  18 Copy quote

• I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.

  Bill Burr

  Elderly, Elbows, Today

  34 Copy quote

• If I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don't have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break. I'm trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.

  Bill Burr

  Kids, Thinking, Years

  70 Copy quote

• A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.

  Bill Burr

  Boys, Years, Anxiety

  "The Mouth That Roared: Q&A With Comedian Bill Burr, The Man Who Told Philadelphia To Go F*ck Itself, Hard, And Lived To Tell". www.huffingtonpost.com. November 11, 2013.

  29 Copy quote

• You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.

  Bill Burr

  Years, Ideas, Long

  20 Copy quote

• Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

  Bill Burr

  Men, Wife, Gold

  6 Copy quote

• It's just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no. You know what it is? People are adults and they know they're at a comedy show but every once in a while somebody isn't an adult and then for some reason, you know, it's lazy reporting. They're trying to create this thing that isn't happening. It's not like people go in there and are just sitting with laptops open getting ready to blog about every stupid joke.

  Bill Burr

  Stupid, Talking, People

  Source: www.smudailycampus.com

  68 Copy quote

• Business runs hot and cold so the more you're in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.

  Bill Burr

  Running, Destiny, Hot And Cold

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  22 Copy quote

• I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

  Bill Burr

  Wife, Saint, Easy

  Interview with Bruce Dessau, www.beyondthejoke.co.uk. November 15, 2013.

  22 Copy quote

• Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?

  Bill Burr

  Yelling, People, Week

  25 Copy quote

• Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"

  Bill Burr

  Funny, Angel, Vegas

  "Premium Blend", series 2, episode 3, June 20, 1998.

  42 Copy quote

• I'm one of those guys where you know, I'm 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities, I've actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I'm still young enough to travel.

  Bill Burr

  Years, Play, Cities

  "Interview with comedian Bill Burr". Interview with Riley Coven, www.smudailycampus.com. September 17, 2015.

  26 Copy quote

• There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy.

  Bill Burr

  Funny, Brother, Ohio

  26 Copy quote

• I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.

  Bill Burr

  Boss, Rough Times, Used

  16 Copy quote

• I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.

  Bill Burr

  Growing Up, Thinking, Boys

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  25 Copy quote

• If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you're from and some of the thought processes. Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.

  Bill Burr

  Country, East, Chance

  Source: www.bullz-eye.com

  38 Copy quote

• I don't feel like it's a wasted vote because I think it encourages more people like that to run. I vote for the candidates that aren't bought and paid for like the Clintons.

  Bill Burr

  Running, Thinking, People

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  33 Copy quote

• It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.

  Bill Burr

  Thinking, Comedian, Want

  Interview with Bruce Dessau, www.beyondthejoke.co.uk. November 15, 2013.

  39 Copy quote

• Like I said, you guys in the media will treat the dumbest jack**s in the entire f***ng world like they won a Pulitzer prize for journalism and will put that level of weight on it, like they're an ambassador to some country we're trying to establish trade with.

  Bill Burr

  Country, Media, Guy

  Source: www.smudailycampus.com

  19 Copy quote

• I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.

  Bill Burr

  Lying, Psycho, Stage

  10 Copy quote

• You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.

  Bill Burr

  Smart, Thinking, Office

  11 Copy quote

• I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, "Jesus, I'm bombing." The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.

  Bill Burr

  Jesus, Thinking, Giving

  Interview with Matt Wild, www.avclub.com. June 15, 2011.

  15 Copy quote

• Before I even knew what stand up was, I tried to make people laugh at school because that was how I made friends, so I think that's how I got drawn into comedy and obviously I was just some kid at school being silly, so the first time I saw a professional comedian and how smooth and funny the person was I totally got into standup and I would say obviously Richard Pryor was the guy. He's the greatest of all time and then George Carlin, Sam Kinison, Bill Cosby. It's so weird to bring up his name now but leaving out his off-stage antics... you could learn a lot from him.

  Bill Burr

  Silly, School, Kids

  Source: www.smudailycampus.com

  12 Copy quote

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