Scott Dikkers Quotes

• Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

  Scott Dikkers

  Relationship, Romance, Chance

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.135, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  14 Copy quote

• Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

  Scott Dikkers

  Atheist, Lying, Believe

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.170, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  46 Copy quote

• A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

  Scott Dikkers

  Atheist, True Friend, Atheism

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.69, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  7 Copy quote

• If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

  Scott Dikkers

  Boss, Levels, Safe

  7 Copy quote

• Dear God, I understand that if I fail to believe in you, I'll burn in hell for eternity. Thanks for being such a good sport about it.

  Scott Dikkers

  Sports, Believe, Thanks

  5 Copy quote

• Your pet is not your friend. It is your hostage.

  Scott Dikkers

  Pet, Hostage

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.189, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  4 Copy quote

• You have sexual tendencies that are not normal, and you should be ashamed of them.

  Scott Dikkers

  Normal, Should, Tendencies

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.152, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  4 Copy quote

• I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook.

  Scott Dikkers

  Religious, Thinking, Helping

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.257, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  4 Copy quote

• That special bond you think you have with your pet is imaginary. As long as it has food and water, you could get hit by a train tomorrow, and your pet wouldn't think anything of it.

  Scott Dikkers

  Animal, Thinking, Long

  Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.201, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  4 Copy quote

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