I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
I drink to forget I drink.
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.
I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
We can afford almost any mistake once.
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
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