I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
I drink to forget I drink.
Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.
I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends