Christian Finnegan Quotes

Quotes about:

• I hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Kind of an awkward press conference for my parents. Officer, do you have any leads? Well, based on Mr. Finnegan's computer entries, we think he was abducted by Sorority Sluts.

  Christian Finnegan

  Thinking, People, Parent

  4 Copy quote

• Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

  Christian Finnegan

  Sex, Pimp, Intellectual

  "Best Week Ever", www.imdb.com. (2004-).

  237 Copy quote

• What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!

  Christian Finnegan

  Weed, People, Car

  7 Copy quote

• The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

  Christian Finnegan

  Intelligent, Intelligence, Facts

  8 Copy quote

• Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

  Christian Finnegan

  Effort, Charity, Molestation

  8 Copy quote

• You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

  Christian Finnegan

  Use, Pancreas, Horrible

  FaceBook post by Christian Finnegan from Aug 12, 2013

  5 Copy quote

• Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

  Christian Finnegan

  Light, America, Canada

  5 Copy quote

• If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.

  Christian Finnegan

  Summer, Heart, Als

  "Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins". TV Series, www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

  Christian Finnegan

  America, Entering, Wizards

  "Christian Finnegan Delighted America Is Going Downhill". www.huffingtonpost.com. November 15, 2011.

  6 Copy quote

• Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

  Christian Finnegan

  Actors, Enough, Egocentric

  5 Copy quote

• There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.

  Christian Finnegan

  Smart, Names, Two

  5 Copy quote

• What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement.

  Christian Finnegan

  Thinking, Opposites, People

  5 Copy quote

• I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

  Christian Finnegan

  Play, Band, Bass

  5 Copy quote

• I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.

  Christian Finnegan

  Sleep, Starting Over, Awkward

  5 Copy quote

• There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

  Christian Finnegan

  Disappointment, Blame, External Forces

  6 Copy quote

• You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial - as in not important. Trivial - as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.

  Christian Finnegan

  School, Games, Names

  5 Copy quote

• I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.

  Christian Finnegan

  Way, Drink, Alcoholics

  FaceBook post by Christian Finnegan from Jun 26, 2013

  4 Copy quote

• I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

  Christian Finnegan

  People, Twelve, Boring

  FaceBook post by Christian Finnegan from Aug 11, 2013

  6 Copy quote

• I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

  Christian Finnegan

  People, Physicians, Needs

  7 Copy quote

• Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.

  Christian Finnegan

  Talking, Guy, Favors

  4 Copy quote

• Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited.

  Christian Finnegan

  Years, People, Guy

  4 Copy quote

• The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.

  Christian Finnegan

  Hate, Political, Politics

  "Think Sits Down With Comedian Christian Finnegan". The Stony Brook Press Interview, sbpress.com. September 12, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the stuff that interests me. I don't necessarily think that comedy comes from a dark place, like you have to be a strung-out heroin addict. But I don't think it comes from happiness, that's for sure. It comes from frustration and suppressed rage, and wishing the world were different.

  Christian Finnegan

  Happiness, Believe, Dark

  Interview with Sean O'Neal, tv.avclub.com. June 17, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

  Christian Finnegan

  Couple, Fun, Feet

  4 Copy quote

• Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

  Christian Finnegan

  Jesus, Powerful, Guy

  "Best Week Ever". www.imdb.com. 2004.

  4 Copy quote

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