George Carlin Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• 

  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Bible, Witty

  "George Carlin, R.I.P." by David Gibson, www.beliefnet.com. June 2008.

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Atheist

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.52, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Reality

• Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

  George Carlin

  Feelings, Chocolate, Bars

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• The status quo sucks.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Humor

• Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

  George Carlin

  World, Comedy, Upside Down

• When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

  George Carlin

  Night, Light, Lamps

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Peace, Freedom

  "George Carlin: Doin' It Again", www.imdb.com. 1990.

• If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

  George Carlin

  Comedy, Genuine, Ifs

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.86, Hachette UK

• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

• I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.

  George Carlin

  Thinking, Crossing The Line, Uptown

• I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

  George Carlin

  Doctors, Comedy, Building

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.53, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

  George Carlin

  Stupid, Doors, People

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Thinking, Should Have

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Future, Humor

• Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Death, Long

• Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• Always do whatever's next.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.217, Hachette UK

• I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  George Carlin

  Memories, Thinking, Alzheimer's

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Thinking, People

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.415, Hachette UK

• Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

  George Carlin

  Futility Of Life, Dust, Trying

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

  George Carlin

  Looks, Comedy, Areas

• At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

  George Carlin

  Party, Cooking Dinner, Bathroom

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

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