I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.
It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.
You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.
I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.
The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?
My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.
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