Adam Carolla Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

  Adam Carolla

  July, Underpants

  5 Copy quote

• If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Tuning

  5 Copy quote

• Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

  Adam Carolla

  School, College, Juniors

  8 Copy quote

• I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Dad, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

  Adam Carolla

  Jobs, Horrible Jobs, Horrible

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• When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

  Adam Carolla

  Country, Feet, Mountain

  4 Copy quote

• [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

  Adam Carolla

  Government, People, Giving

  4 Copy quote

• Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

  Adam Carolla

  People, Pay, Rich

  4 Copy quote

• You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

  Adam Carolla

  Accomplishment, Feel Good, Should

  "Adam Carolla Slams Occupy Wall Street, Millennial Generation as 'F---ing Self-Entitled Monsters'". www.hollywoodreporter.com. December 01, 2011.

  4 Copy quote

• The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

  Adam Carolla

  Host, Compelling, Ifs

  8 Copy quote

• I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

  Adam Carolla

  Republican, Used, Democrat

  "Adam Carolla on Switching Parties and Obama: "I'm Waiting for the Hope and Change to Kick In". Interview with Paul Bond, www.hollywoodreporter.com. November 7, 2012.

  4 Copy quote

• I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

  Adam Carolla

  Want, Plenty

  "Adam Carolla, The UPROXX Interview: ‘Everyone Can Kiss My Ass, I Don't Care’" by Ashley Burns, uproxx.com. July 18, 2012.

  6 Copy quote

• I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

  Adam Carolla

  Soccer, Coffee, Thinking

  8 Copy quote

• That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Philosophical, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Ideas

  4 Copy quote

• When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

  Adam Carolla

  Missing, Television, Partners

  7 Copy quote

• I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Two

  7 Copy quote

• I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

  Adam Carolla

  Blue, Guy, Valleys

  16 Copy quote

• I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Two

  7 Copy quote

• I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Lonely, Crazy

  7 Copy quote

• He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Guy

  26 Copy quote

• I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

  Adam Carolla

  Ill Will, Office, People

  "‘How Dare You!’: Q&A with Adam Carolla". Interview with Joshua Kors, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 9, 2010.

  7 Copy quote

• A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

  Adam Carolla

  Practice, People, Paper

  "‘How Dare You!’: Q&A with Adam Carolla". Interview with Joshua Kors, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 9, 2010.

  7 Copy quote

• Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Giving

  4 Copy quote

• You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

  Adam Carolla

  Cards, Use, Credit

  "QA: Adam Carolla talks bad jobs, worse parents and 'horrible' network execs in new book". Interview with Nicki Gostin, www.foxnews.com. June 20, 2012.

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