I was thinking - if we get a cell with a trouser press, we can make cheese toasties.
It's not supposed to be easy, if it's easy, it's no good, that's the way I look at it.
Who needs drugs when you have Takeshi's Castle?
It's evolve or die, really, you have to evolve, you have to move on otherwise it just becomes stagnant.
My life has been, I suppose, the most incredible series of highs and lows.
I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.
There was never any career plan. When 'Red Dwarf' started I thought we were doing a curious little sitcom on BBC2, I didn't think I was becoming an actor. I didn't see that 21 years later I'd still be talking about it, let alone filming a new one. For me everything's always been an accident.
British fans are exceptional, but the American fans are something else. Some of them fly 500 miles to stand in line for three hours, just to meet me, then when they do they collapse.
The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.
Coming from having absolutely nothing to having a few grand in the bank, it was a big culture leap. I think that's why I went off the rails a bit really, 'cause there was no training for it. They didn't do fame in schools.
We were the only black family in an estate with 1,000 white families. Liverpool being quite racist in the Sixties, it was a bit grim growing up.
Once journalists have been rifling through your dustbins, you do try and keep them at arms' length.
Prison widens your circle of friends. In my stand-up, I can now talk about things that no one else has the right to touch.
For me, everything has always been an accident.
I'm busy and that's the way I like it - when I have too much downtime I get into trouble.
I've got wealth and fame but I haven't changed my roots.
Critics called me 'egregious' - I had to look that one up - and 'creepy', but now I don't read them, I weigh them.
I've been very lucky, this is my 30th year on TV.
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