Jerry Lawler Quotes

• Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wrestling, Wwe, Helen

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• What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!

  Jerry Lawler

  Beer, Snakes, Jake

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• If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?

  Jerry Lawler

  Smart, Sticks, Ifs

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• I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.

  Jerry Lawler

  School, Embarrassed

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• In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.

  Jerry Lawler

  Mean, Good Day, Reality

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• The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wrestling, Snakes, Jake

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• As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!

  Jerry Lawler

  Baby, Ugly, Window

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• Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.

  Jerry Lawler

  World, Next, Panties

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• Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wrestler, Rings, Crosswords

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• When John Cena came to Raw, he immediately got off on the wrong foot with Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff said that he thought John Cena was a would be Eminem, and Lord knows one Eminem is enough, but since that time, I have come to respect and really like this kid. This John Cena is a good guy. You can't say anything differently than that.

  Jerry Lawler

  Kids, Wwe, Feet

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• I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.

  Jerry Lawler

  Thinking, Years, Horny

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• Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.

  Jerry Lawler

  Two, Guy, Mind

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• Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still talking about 20 years later, making movies about and that sort of thing. I mean not a day goes by that someone doesn't mention Andy Kaufman to me

  Jerry Lawler

  Real, Mean, Talking

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• Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!

  Jerry Lawler

  Girl, Mom, Father

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• You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wrestling, Court, Pro Wrestling

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• Michael Cole, what did you get for Christmas? Except drunk.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wwe, Drunk

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• When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!

  Jerry Lawler

  Snakes, People, Drunk

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• If at first you don't succeed, see if there is a prize for the losers.

  Jerry Lawler

  Firsts, Succeed, Loser

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• The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.

  Jerry Lawler

  Jake, Body, Reason

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• You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.

  Jerry Lawler

  Girl, Philadelphia, Tourists

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• The fats dented the flats.

  Jerry Lawler

  Funny, Wwe, Fats

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• What's twelve inches long and hangs in front on ass, Mankind's tie.

  Jerry Lawler

  Funny, Wwe, Ties

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• ECW stands for Extremely Crappy Wrestling.

  Jerry Lawler

  Funny, Wrestling, Wwe

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• When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wwe, Cop, Goliath

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• It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.

  Jerry Lawler

  Men, Wwe, World

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