Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.
If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.
Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.
I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.
The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.
Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!
As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.
I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.
Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still talking about 20 years later, making movies about and that sort of thing. I mean not a day goes by that someone doesn't mention Andy Kaufman to me
Michael Cole, what did you get for Christmas? Except drunk.
Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in TV westerns...if she had two more legs.
You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.
When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
When John Cena came to Raw, he immediately got off on the wrong foot with Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff said that he thought John Cena was a would be Eminem, and Lord knows one Eminem is enough, but since that time, I have come to respect and really like this kid. This John Cena is a good guy. You can't say anything differently than that.
It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.
Jake [Roberts] is feeling a little under the weather. He has bar-thritis. That's when because stiffin' a different joint every night.
Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.
Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband.
Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.
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