Bill Engvall Quotes About Wife

Quotes about: Wife

• I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Running, Baby

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 15, 2013

• I think my wife puts up with me 'cause I try. I think that's all any guy can do is just try. That's right! 'Cause we ain't never gunna get it. 'Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It's like this memo goes out, 'they're getting close, change it, change it!'

  Bill Engvall

  Thinking, Wife, Guy

• It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Moving, Wife, House

• I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!

  Bill Engvall

  Rain, Home, Doors

• I told my wife I'm afraid to go back to the doctor because I'm afraid they're going to look at you and say: 'ma'am, just sell him for parts. It's like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.

  Bill Engvall

  Doctors, Wife, Car

• My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.

  Bill Engvall

  Stupid, Ties, Wife

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Apr 21, 2013

• My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!

  Bill Engvall

  Real, Wife, Trying

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 16, 2013

• God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: "When you gonna wear these for me?" She goes, "I can't. They're your daughter's." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!" There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.

  Bill Engvall

  Daughter, Growing Up, Men

  "Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie", www.imdb.com. 2003.

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