I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.
I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.
I only got into comedy to get laid
I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.
I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.
I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.
I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.
For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.
I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.
This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.
Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends