Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.
Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.
When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.
It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.
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