Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
The past always looks better than it was;
it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
There are no friends at cards or world politics
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