Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
The past always looks better than it was;
it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.
There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
There are no friends at cards or world politics
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.
You can lade a man up to th' university, but ye can't make him think.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends