Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.
All work and no pay makes a housewife.
[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting Yes.
The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.
The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.
A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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