Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.
We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands - and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.
When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.
Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.
Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.
When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.
In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
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