Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.
When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.
The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.
Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.
We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.
The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.
Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.
When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands - and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.
Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.
If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.
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