I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
I call my balls the bush twins.
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.
As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.
That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
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