During a heat wave every dude stinks.
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.
Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.
Everything is optional.
Somethings are illegal.
And some things are really gross.
Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.
I love it when the coffee's done!
Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.
Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!
Are imperfections is which make we grate.
People alive are better than people not alive.
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