During a heat wave every dude stinks.
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.
Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.
The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!
Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.
People alive are better than people not alive.
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.
Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.
Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.
Are imperfections is which make we grate.
Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!
I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
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