During a heat wave every dude stinks.
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.
Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.
The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!
Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.
I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.
Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.
Everything is optional.
Somethings are illegal.
And some things are really gross.
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.
I love it when the coffee's done!
Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.
Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
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