She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
I can still chase women, only downhill
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?
I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.
I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation
I'm from Los Angeles... I don't trust any air I can't see.
Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.
I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
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