Anthony Jeselnik Quotes About Cars

Quotes about: Cars

• Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Humor, Kids

• My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate. And she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. You know, she'd be like keep me away from those chocolate bars, I'm addicted to them. And it's really annoying. So one day I put her in the car and I drove her downtown and I pointed out a crack addict. And I said you see that honey? Why can't you be that skinny?

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Addiction, Car

  "Anthony Jeselnik: The Dark Prince Of Comedy". "Ask Me Another" with Ophira Eisenberg, www.npr.org. August 14, 2014.

• My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Sex, Believe

  Twitter post from Sep 27, 2010

• I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Squirrels, Car, Tennis

  Twitter post from Oct 14, 2010

• Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Dad, Writing

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

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