Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
In writing, punctuation plays the role of body language. It helps readers hear you the way you want to be heard.
Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
Americans like fat books and thin women.
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings.
Except for politics, no business is scrutinized more exhaustively than journalism.
Serious journalism need not be solemn.
It is fitting that yesteryear's swashbuckling newspaper reporter has turned into today's solemn young sobersides nursing a glass of watered white wine after a day of toiling over computer databases in a smoke-free, noise-free newsroom.
Scientists have been struck by the fact that things that break down virtually never get lost, while things that get lost hardly ever break down.
A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
New York is the only city in the world where you can get run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools.
It was clear soon after his election that Obama, like FDR, wanted to start dealing with the economic crisis immediately after his inauguration.
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
The best thing about being President is that it gets you out of American life. I don't know what the theory is behind this, but it is a fact. The first thing we do with a President is shunt him off to a siding where nothing American can ever happen to him.
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