Jay Leno Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said, it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected, unless of course, it's the Vietnam War.

  Jay Leno

  Memories, War, Order

  10 Copy quote

• People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra time.

  Jay Leno

  Names, Extra Time, Airports

  4 Copy quote

• Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

  Jay Leno

  Basketball, Running, Player

  52 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.

  Jay Leno

  Native American, Dinner, Bunch

  7 Copy quote

• Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.

  Jay Leno

  Valentines Day, Men, Names

  17 Copy quote

• I guess you heard, Hillary Clinton has a new campaign slogan: "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

  Jay Leno

  Campaigns, Get Up, Clinton

  4 Copy quote

• Senator Kerry recovering very nicely after having shoulder surgery. The doctors said the senator was fully awake, lucid and joking after the surgery was done, but cautioned that that was just the drug. He went back to his boring self soon afterward.

  Jay Leno

  Doctors, Self, Drug

  8 Copy quote

• Anyway, a spokesman for Barack Obama says the prisoners that are released from Guantanamo will either be sent back to their home countries or enter the New York City cab driver training program.

  Jay Leno

  Country, New York, Home

  4 Copy quote

• An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.

  Jay Leno

  Two, Baptism, Hot

  4 Copy quote

• You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, 'Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.'

  Jay Leno

  School, Interesting, Conservative

  4 Copy quote

• A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband is finished.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Husband, Want

  5 Copy quote

• 50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men!

  Jay Leno

  Men, People, Romance

  4 Copy quote

• Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?.

  Jay Leno

  Heart, Crooks, Lasts

  4 Copy quote

• Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.

  Jay Leno

  Law, Political, Needs

  4 Copy quote

• On Capitol Hill, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing.

  Jay Leno

  Hands, Laughing, Hills

  4 Copy quote

• You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. You know, it's really easy to run here in California. All you need is like a couple of signatures, not many, thirty-five hundred bucks, you're on the ballot, like that. I mean, what does it say about California? We have stricter requirements to get on 'American Idol' than we do to run for governor.

  Jay Leno

  Running, Couple, Mean

  7 Copy quote

• Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed his sleeves together so he couldn't put his hands in anyone's pockets when they walked by. You know when they say in a eulogy, "You're all richer for having known him." I don't think they're going to hear that.

  Jay Leno

  Thinking, Hands, Eulogy

  6 Copy quote

• Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Weed, Marijuana

  11 Copy quote

• The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

  Jay Leno

  Mean, Healthcare Reform, Bills

  6 Copy quote

• Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?

  Jay Leno

  Couple, Party, Gay

  4 Copy quote

• Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what's left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.

  Jay Leno

  Government, Snakes, Swamps

  6 Copy quote

• US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating, try putting a little less food in the bowl. Do we really need to give him a pill? Is the dog taking your car keys and driving to McDonalds?

  Jay Leno

  Dog, Keys, Mcdonalds

  6 Copy quote

• President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn't met with his job council in six months? They're all out looking for jobs.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Criticism, President

  19 Copy quote

• A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, "I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.

  Jay Leno

  Guy, Temples, Rebel

  4 Copy quote

• A new study shows that the child population in San Francisco is dwindling and in fact San Francisco has the smallest share of children of any major city in the United States. That's odd, huh? For some reason couples in San Francisco don't seem to be reproducing as much as couples in other cities. Gee, I wonder what the problem is there? You think it might be something in the Rice-A-Roni?

  Jay Leno

  Children, Couple, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

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