Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.
An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
My granddaughter and I are inseparable. She keeps me wrapped around her little finger.
Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.
Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."
On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.
Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.
My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids. It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left.
It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.
Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.
Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense.
I like to do nice things for my grandchildren - like buy them those toys I've always wanted to play with.
I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.
Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.
"You're more trouble than the children are" is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.
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