Classic Insult Quotes

• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Cute, Sarcastic

  55 Copy quote

• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  67 Copy quote

  Show source

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  631 Copy quote

  Show source

• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Mark Twain, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Mark Twain: All 13 Novels, Short Stories, Poetry and Essays”, p.922, GENERAL PRESS

  27 Copy quote

  Show source

• That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

  Dorothy Parker

  Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

  Quoted in AlexanderWoollcott, While Rome Burns (1934)

  56 Copy quote

  Show source

• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

  Dorothy Parker

  Running, Acting, Actors

  Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• [on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

  Billy Wilder

  Life, Music, Sarcastic

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

  26 Copy quote

  Show source

• He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Sarcastic, Work, Ignorance

  'Sybil' (1845) bk. 4, ch. 5.

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Beasts and Super-Beasts (1914) "The Feast of Nemesis"

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

  Russell Lynes

  Wise, Stupid, People

  15 Copy quote

• I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

  Russell Lynes

  Sarcastic, Wise, Insults You

  9 Copy quote

• This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

  Dorothy Parker

  Book, Reading, Beer

  Quoted in The AlgonquinWits, ed. Robert E. Drennan (1968)

  67 Copy quote

  Show source

• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

  Paul Keating

  Running, Witty, Clever

  46 Copy quote

• He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.

  James Reston, Jr.

  Hard Work, Instinct, Quaker

  6 Copy quote

• Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.

  Winston Churchill

  Life, Night, Firsts

  "Sticks, stones and custard" by Ariane Sherine, www.theguardian.com. March 6, 2009.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Night, Play

  6 Copy quote

• Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

  Moses Hadas

  Witty, Clever, Humorous

  16 Copy quote

• He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

  Forrest Tucker

  Sarcastic, Nature, Sarcasm

  51 Copy quote

• He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

  Winston Churchill

  Life, Humorous, Vices

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

  68 Copy quote

  Show source

• If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

  Dorothy Parker

  Girl, Yale, Prom

  22 Copy quote

• A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Mistress, Disease, Embrace

  18 Copy quote