Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate...and I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.
One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delight, beyond the bliss of dreams.
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