I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.
Instead of water we got here a draught of beer, a lumberer's drink, which would acclimate and naturalize a man at once,-which would make him see green, and, if he slept, dream that he heard the wind sough among the pines.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.
I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.
People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.
A man who lies about beer makes enemies.
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.
He that drinks fast, pays slow.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.
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