Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Beer is proof that God loves us.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during dinner parties.
Time flies when you are having fun.
The Life and Soul, the man who will never go home while there is one man, woman or glass of anything not yet drunk.
No man does right by a woman at a party.
I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.
On with the dance! let joy be unconfin'd No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet To chase the Glowing Hours with Flying feet
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