Fart Quotes - Page 2

• The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

  Steve Martin

  Smoking, Mind, Hey

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• My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.

  Carl Barron

  Funny, Dad, Sound

  "Carl Barron Live". Comedy, 2003.

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• I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

  Demetri Martin

  Class, Firsts, First Class

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• I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

  Walter Matthau

  Body, Talent, Smallest

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• I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.

  James Joyce

  Thinking, Knows, Picks

  James Joyce (2016). “The Complete Works of James Joyce: Novels, Short Stories, Plays, Poetry, Essays & Letters: Ulysses, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Finnegan’s Wake, Dubliners, The Cat and the Devil, Exiles, Chamber Music, Pomes Penyeach, Stephen Hero, Giacomo Joyce, Critical Writings & more”, p.3741, e-artnow

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• Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind

  Mario Puzo

  Men, Wind, Action

  Mario Puzo (1996). “The Last Don”, Random House Large Print Publishing

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• You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!

  John Marston

  Ass

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• Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.

  Dana Gould

  Mean, Kids, Blame

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• Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

  Robin Williams

  Animal, Laughing, Comedy

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is. Come let us fart in the home. There is no art in a fart. Still a fart may not be artless. Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Art, Home, May

  Ernest Hemingway (1992). “Complete Poems”, p.70, U of Nebraska Press

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• And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

  Anthony Bourdain

  Dream, Sleep

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• Old Testament, is really one of the most wickedest books you'll ever come across. God is an insecure, rage-filled hybrid of Bobby Knight and Suge Knight. He's got these anger issues that you can't believe. He's like John McCain if McCain could fart hail. He's pro-slavery, he's pro-polygamy, he's homophobic, he'll kill you for masturbating.

  Bill Maher

  Book, Believe, Insecure

  Source: movieweb.com

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• Cumberbatch - it sounds like a fart in a bath, doesn't it? What a fluffy old name. I can never say it on a Monday morning. When I became an actor, Mum wasn't keen on me keeping it.

  Benedict Cumberbatch

  Monday, Morning, Names

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• You stand out like a fart in a church.

  James Patterson

  Church, Maximum Ride, Standing Out

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• It having been a very cold night last night I had got some cold, and so in pain by wind, and a sure precursor of pain is sudden letting off farts, and when that stops, then my passages stop and my pain begins

  Samuel Pepys

  Pain, Night, Wind

  Samuel Pepys, Robert Latham (1985). “The Shorter Pepys”, p.397, Univ of California Press

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• I fart in your general direction.

  Graham Chapman

  Comedy

  "Fictional character: Frenchman". "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", 1975.

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• You're all mad for words. Words are just farts from a lot of fools who have swallowed too many books. Give me things!

  Robertson Davies

  Book, Mad, Giving

  Robertson Davies (1976). “World of wonders”, Penguin Books, 1977

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• As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it's hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone's face and say, ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'

  Jennifer Lawrence

  Brother, Thinking, Boys

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you.

  Mark Haddon

  Mean, Smell, People

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• Farts come from no one and nowhere; they are anonymous emanations that belong to the group as a whole, and even when every person in the room can point to the culprit, the only sane course of action is denial.

  Paul Auster

  Groups, Denial, Rooms

  Paul Auster (2008). “The Brooklyn Follies”, p.8, Faber & Faber

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• Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Time, Fog, Dumb

  Quoted in Richard Reeves, A Ford, Not a Lincoln (1975)

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• I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet under a cow pat.

  Djuna Barnes

  Humble, Wind, Cows

  1936 Doctor. Night wood, ch.5.

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• At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.

  Donald Sutherland

  Age, Roles, Way

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• Because nitrous oxide [released by nitrate-fertilised soil] is 296 times stronger than CO₂ at global warming and methane [cow farts] is about 26 times as potent as CO₂, the combined greenhouse effect of our livestock worldwide is greater than the sum total of all the cars, trains, busses, trucks, ships, airplanes and jets.

  Thom Hartmann

  Airplane, Car, Environmental

  "Threshold: The Progressive Plan to Pull America Back from the Brink". Book by Thom Hartmann, p.22, July 23, 2009.

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• All I want to do is sit on my ass and fart and think of Dante.

  Samuel Beckett

  Thinking, Want, Ass

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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