Funny Christmas Card Quotes - Page 2

• Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide bound hearts.

  Lenora Mattingly Weber

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

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• In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"

  Dave Barry

  Christmas, Christian, Atheist

  "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide" by Dave Barry, www.davebarry.com.

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• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Christmas, Views

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Love, Christmas, Xmas

  Hamilton Wright Mabie (1900). “My study fire: first series”

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• Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.

  Dave Barry

  Christmas, Wise, Stars

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.79, Ballantine Books

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• Heap on more wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.

  Walter Scott

  Christmas, Wind, Woods

  Walter Scott (1810). “Marmion: A Tale of Flodden Field”, p.133

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• I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
  With every Christmas card I write
  May your days be merry and bright
  And may all your Christmases be white.

  Irving Berlin

  Christmas, Dream, Xmas

  "White Christmas" (song) (1942)

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• Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts.

  Joan Winmill Brown

  Christmas, Xmas, Heart

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• Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Grateful, Thank You God

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Blessed

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• One can never have enough socks

  J. K. Rowling

  Christmas, Enough, Funny Christmas

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• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Gratitude, Children

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• I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

  Henny Youngman

  Atheist, Holiday, Christmas Wishes

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.

  J. K. Rowling

  Family, Christmas, Book

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• There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

  Bob Phillips

  Funny, Christmas, Dad

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• To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.

  Helen Steiner Rice

  Christmas, Xmas, Earth

  Ronald Pollitt, Helen Steiner Rice, Virginia Wiltse (1998). “Helen Steiner Rice - The Healing Touch: Poems, Letters and Life Stories”, Fleming H Revell Company

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• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  Publilius Syrus

  Funny Christmas, Women, Believe

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• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

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• Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

  Laura Ingalls Wilder

  Christmas, Xmas, Memories

  Laura Ingalls Wilder, Yvonne Pope (2006). “Laura Ingalls Wilder's Prairie Wisdom”, p.68, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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• Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

  Calvin Coolidge

  Christmas, Xmas, Real

  "Chicken soup for the soul Christmas treasury for kids" by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen, Irene Dunlap, HCI, (p. 1), 2002.

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• My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

  Bob Hope

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  Erma Bombeck

  Christmas, Spiritual, Morning

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.260, Open Road Media

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