Funny New Years Resolution Quotes

• May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  New Year, Holiday, Blessing

  26 Copy quote

• One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: ‘To rise above little things’.

  John Burroughs

  Inspirational, Funny, New Year

  33 Copy quote

• We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives...not looking for flaws, but for potential.

  Ellen Goodman

  New Year, Drawing, Years

  74 Copy quote

• Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  Benjamin Franklin (2007). “Poor Richard's Almanack”, p.98, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  90 Copy quote

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• The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows.

  George William Curtis

  New Year, Determination, Years

  28 Copy quote

• Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

  Ogden Nash

  New Year, Years, Long

  Ogden Nash (1954). “Many long years ago”

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• Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  Gene Griessman, Abraham Lincoln (1998). “The Words Lincoln Lived By: 52 Timeless Principles to Light Your Path”, p.17, Simon and Schuster

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• For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice.

  T. S. Eliot

  Inspirational, New Year, New Beginnings

  T. S. Eliot (2014). “Complete Poems and Plays, 1909-1950”, p.150, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty.

  John Selden

  New Year, Resolution, Happy New Year

  37 Copy quote

• Celebrate what you want to see more of.

  Tom Peters

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  77 Copy quote

• If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.

  Cyril Cusack

  Inspirational, New Year, Who I Am

  49 Copy quote

• Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that.

  Judith Crist

  Funny, New Year, Years

  7 Copy quote

• Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since.

  Dave Beard

  Inspirational, New Year, Years

  46 Copy quote

• Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

  Oprah Winfrey

  Inspirational, Inspiring, Happy

  23 Copy quote

• I would say happy new year, but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.

  Robert Clark

  Inspirational, New Year, Years

  48 Copy quote

• Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer.

  Walter Scott

  New Year, Cheer, Holiday

  Walter Scott (2015). “The Complete Poetry of Sir Walter Scott: The Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border, The Lady of the Lake, Translations and Imitations from German Ballads, Marmion, Rokeby, The Field of Waterloo, Harold the Dauntless, The Wild Huntsman…”, p.152, e-artnow

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• Ring out the false, ring in the true.

  Alfred Lord Tennyson

  Happy, New Year, Years

  In Memoriam canto 106 (1850)

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• May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!

  Aleister Crowley

  New Year, Courage, Fall

  Aleister Crowley (2015). “Moonchild”, p.139, Booklassic

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• What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, "sup?"

  Jon Stewart

  New Year, Squares, Years

  Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005.

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• Dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.

  Helen Fielding

  New Year, Hangover, Thinking

  Helen Fielding (2013). “The Bridget Jones Omnibus: The Singleton Years: Bridget Jones's Diary & The Edge of Reason”, p.14, Pan Macmillan

  11 Copy quote

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• New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

  Charles Lamb

  Birthday, New Year, Holiday

  8 Copy quote

• He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.

  Farquhar McGillivray Knowles

  New Year, Holiday, Old Year

  11 Copy quote

• May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early!

  Aleister Crowley

  New Year, Years, Old Year

  Aleister Crowley (2015). “Moonchild”, p.139, Booklassic

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• Let each new year find you a better person.

  Benjamin Franklin

  New Year, Years, Old Year

  29 Copy quote

• Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

  Hal Borland

  Love, Funny, Life

  81 Copy quote