Funny Religious Quotes - Page 2

• Faith: not wanting to know what is true.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Faith, Religious, Atheist

  Friedrich Nietzsche (1977). “The Portable Nietzsche”, p.383, Penguin

  94 Copy quote

  Show source

• A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

  Albert Einstein

  Sympathy, God, Death

  Albert Einstein (2010). “Ideas And Opinions”, p.39, Broadway Books

  111 Copy quote

  Show source

• Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

  Ricky Gervais

  Hurt, Powerful, Law

  FaceBook post by Ricky Gervais from Jan 07, 2015

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• The most heinous and the most cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.

  Mahatma Gandhi

  Religious, Atheist, Fear

  80 Copy quote

• Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.

  Alan Watts

  Buddhist, Fun, Buddhism

  Alan Watts (2003). “Become what You are”, p.29, Shambhala Publications

  38 Copy quote

  Show source

• The way to see by Faith is to shut the Eye of Reason.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Faith, Spiritual, Religious

  Benjamin Franklin (1987). “Poor Richard's Almanack: Being the Choicest Morsels of Wisdom, Written During the Years of the Almanack's Publication”, p.16, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

  59 Copy quote

  Show source

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

  Billy Sunday

  Funny, Hilarious, Christian

  Billy Sunday, William Thomas Ellis (1917). “Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words which Have Won Thousands for Christ”

  609 Copy quote

  Show source

• The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.

  Steven Weinberg

  Death, Spiritual, Religious

  39 Copy quote

• The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Inspirational, Life, Atheist

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson (Illustrated)”, p.2728, Delphi Classics

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? No, said the priest, not if you did not know. Then why, asked the Inuit earnestly, did you tell me?

  Annie Dillard

  Life, Religion, Atheism

  Pilgrim at Tinker Creek ch. 7 (1974)

  81 Copy quote

  Show source

• Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.

  Demetri Martin

  Jesus, Mosquitoes, Communion

  FaceBook post by Demetri Martin from Nov 24, 2013

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• If there were no God, there would be no atheists.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  God, Atheist, Christian Inspirational

  "Where All Roads Lead" by Gilbert K. Chesterton, 1922.

  75 Copy quote

  Show source

• Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Animal

  "The Lowest Animal" (1940)

  25 Copy quote

  Show source

• The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

  George Carlin

  Friday, Christian, Monday

  6 Copy quote

• The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Life, Atheist

  "Letters from the Earth" (1940)

  35 Copy quote

  Show source

• It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

  Mark Twain

  Death, Religious, Atheist

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.31, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  42 Copy quote

  Show source

• All gods are better than their reputation.

  Mark Twain

  God, Novelists, Reputation

  7 Copy quote

• I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

  John Fugelsang

  Funny, Christian, Jesus

  148 Copy quote

• For good people to do evil things, it takes religion.

  Steven Weinberg

  Religious, Atheist, If There Is A God

  53 Copy quote

• When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'

  Quentin Crisp

  Peace, Atheist, Believe

  "The Wit and Wisdom of Quentin Crisp". Book by Quentin Crisp, 1984.

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.

  Isaac Asimov

  Death, Atheist, If There Is A God

  Isaac Asimov (1995). “Yours, Isaac Asimov: A Lifetime of Letters”, Doubleday Books

  74 Copy quote

  Show source

• Believe those who seek the truth, doubt those who find it; doubt all, but do not doubt yourself.

  Andre Gide

  Truth, Believe, Profound

  "Ainsi soit-il; ou, Les Jeux sont faits". Book by André Gide, p. 174, 1952.

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.

  Richard Francis Burton

  Death, Religious, Atheist

  "The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night". Book by John Payne, Terminal Essay: Social Conditions, fn. 13., 1885.

  58 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  118 Copy quote

  Show source

• A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Believe

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.55, St. Martin's Press

  31 Copy quote

  Show source