We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Women are made to be loved, not understood.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Love is just a word, but you bring it definition.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
The road to success is always under construction.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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