I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.
Thirty millions, mostly fools.
You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.
Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left.
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
I can resist everything except temptation.
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