One of the things I've done personally is bring my girlfriends into my health and fitness journeys.
When I was 18, I went to a Baptist church with my girlfriend, and had a breakthrough when a pastor laid hands on me on an altar call. I wept that evening and realized how numb I had become with God and how He was calling to me for restoration. I received that blessing and went on to raising my three children in a Lutheran Church in the Bay Area as a member of Journey.
When I came on to Jack Reacher, I had just taken my girlfriend on vacation and ate everything I could. I put on about 15 pounds, so when I met [the Jack Reacher team] I was clocking in at about 180. They looked at me and were like, "You're just gonna lose five pounds, we're gonna keep you skinny".
Obviously I was talking to my parents and my girlfriend all the time, but it's one thing to finally be in the same room and get to be with each other and just hang out.
I talk about folding it in often with Althea, my girlfriend. She's getting her doctoral degree at Berkeley and she talks about how even when writing these very academic, and, for the most part, serious papers there's just so much going on in her head and heart, and it's a reminder that there's a reason that she's studying these things.
I mean, shout out to the people that get dressed everyday and want to take that picture everyday. I would much rather post pictures of [my girlfriend] than of myself.
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.
When I used to wash my hair with a two-for-one shampoo and conditioner, I would wash it twice, which is completely unnecessary, because that's the point - it's one bottle. Because I used to have the shampoo, that's one, conditioner, one. I did the same thing, even though it was two-in-one. I was corrected in my mid-20s by my girlfriend at the time, who laughed at me and said how stupid that was.
Over the past six years, my girlfriend and I live on our boat two or three months a year. It's just one of our seasonal homes at this point.
When I need a break, a date night with my husband or a night out with girlfriends always does the trick.
I have to say, though, that somebody pointed out to me on YouTube that Conan O'Brien was being interviewed, and he was talking about how, oddly enough, he went to see that movie [South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut ] in Hawaii with his girlfriend or wife or whoever, and he didn't even realize his character was in it. But there he was, and he said, "This voice comes out of me, and I'm thinking, 'That's not me! Who is that? That doesn't even sound like me!'
Gian Luigi Polidoro and his girlfriend had written this script, it was an American comedy, and they decided I was the guy to play the part. I was young, they offered me the lead in the film, and I said, "Sure, I'll do it." And I'm telling you, there is a movie waiting to be made about the making of a movie like that, particularly at that time in New York. I mean, we shot all over the streets of New York without permits. We would literally grab a shot and run. But Rent Control... I think the total cost was $100,000, and to this director's credit, I think it looks like $200,000.
I have a girlfriend who talks like that all the time. Who constantly complain about their periods and plumbing and stuff.
When I look back at high school, or college, or when I was getting married, it's the girlfriends I had then that give substance and joy to that point in my life.
I guess I was about 15. I wore glasses at the time, and I remember [first girlfriend] sitting on the floor at a party, one of those school parties where everyone is getting off with each other. I remember her taking my glasses off and saying something very complimentary about my eyes or whatever, and I was just so pissed off because I was convinced she was taking the piss out of me.
I thought [first girlfriend] was trying to make a fool out of me. Then I found out that she wasn't, and we went out. That's a very good example of how little confidence I had.
I would have to take some kind of revenge if my girlfriend had been aggressed, my mother had been aggressed, or my kids had been aggressed. I think I would go for personal revenge.
Going shopping all the time. Just making money, and competing with the niggas in other neighborhoods. And the whole competition with the girls - who had the prettiest girlfriend - and going partying. It was just on. It was fun!
I auditioned for Ted Bundy and the director Matthew Bright and we really hit it off. He cast me as Bundy's girlfriend.
I know my girlfriend is free-spirited. I know she's so charming that it's disarming. I get it. And I know that every man is going to fall in love with her.
A lot of times [in the movie industry], women are relegated to playing the wife or girlfriend or daughter.
I think that after a while you realize that your husband can't be all things to you and certainly you don't want the kids to be all things to you, because that would be a terrible weight for them; and that where you really find solace a lot of the time is with your girlfriends.
Everyone was talking about having airplanes disappear. And I said, "Wait, wait, wait. That's what you like? I'd tell you a story about something like my girlfriend leaving me, and the magic was really hard. The airplane thing was comparatively easy, and people liked that thing?" I realized at that moment, the power of the simple idea.
Despite what your girlfriend may have told you, size is important, bigger is better.
Women are wives and mothers and girlfriends, but not the center of our own stories. No one's the good guy; no one's the bad guy. We all do deplorable things and very honorable things.
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