Hilarious Quotes - Page 7

• 

  By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Motivational, Business

  240 Copy quote

• Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.

  Billie Holiday

  Funny, Marriage, Mom

  Billie Holiday, William Dufty (2011). “Lady Sings the Blues: The 50th-Anniversay Edition with a Revised Discography”, p.13, Broadway Books

  46 Copy quote

  Show source

• The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

  Miguel de Cervantes

  Complaining, Classic, Reason

  Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (2006). “Don Quixote”, p.20, Collector's Library

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

  Jean Cocteau

  Funny, Sexy, Fashion

  42 Copy quote

• Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

  Sailing, Pay, Pull Ups

  32 Copy quote

• Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

  Matt Groening

  Believe, Vampire, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons. Treehouse of Horror IV", www.imdb.com. 1993.

  79 Copy quote

  Show source

• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  53 Copy quote

  Show source

• The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

  Dorothy Parker

  Inspirational, Funny, Mom

  Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing

  41 Copy quote

  Show source

• People say women shouldn't have long hair over a certain age, but I've never done what everyone says.

  Jane Seymour

  Inspiring, Hair, Long

  20 Copy quote

• Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn't even on.

  Amy Poehler

  Hurt, Mean, Risk

  6 Copy quote

• There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

  Hugh Leonard

  Funny Life, Law, Gentleman

  18 Copy quote

• Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.

  Amy Poehler

  Feel Good, Kicks, Feels

  15 Copy quote

• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Sexy, Being Single

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

  44 Copy quote

  Show source

• The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.

  Robert Conquest

  Organization, Secret, Enemy

  13 Copy quote

• Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

  Benny Hill

  Funny, Girl, Women

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

  Adi Da

  Men, Two, Horny

  27 Copy quote

• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  1277 Copy quote

• I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.

  Margaret Mead

  Funny, Peace, Women

  "Quote Unquote". Book by Lloyd Cory, 1977.

  88 Copy quote

  Show source

• Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

  Bill Gates

  Funny, Success, Sarcastic

  "Are We All Nerds Now?" by Matthew Kitchen, www.esquire.com. May 25, 2013.

  29 Copy quote

  Show source

• A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Twitter post from Jun 20, 2016

  49 Copy quote

  Show source

• I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

  Kristen Schaal

  Growing Up, Animal, Thinking

  "Kristen Schaal: The toast of American comedy" by John Patterson, www.theguardian.com. October 15, 2010.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

  Aimee Mullins

  Funny, Beauty, Sexy

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

  Show source

• I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.

  Simon Cowell

  Language

  14 Copy quote

• good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere

  Helen Gurley Brown

  Funny, Girl, Sex

  76 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Funny Beer, Bottles

  17 Copy quote