Humorous Quotes - Page 10

• I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

  Auguste Rodin

  Witty, Art, Block

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• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

  Bertrand Russell

  Success, Work, Stress

  Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

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• All science is either physics or stamp collecting.

  Ernest Rutherford

  Witty, Science, Insightful

  Quoted in J. B. Birks, Rutherford at Manchester (1962)

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• Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Witty, Powerful, New Relationship

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• I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

  Gore Vidal

  Witty, Sex, Powerful

  "Gore Vidal: The United States of Amnesia: Tribeca Review" by Frank Scheck, www.hollywoodreporter.com. April 19, 2013.

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• Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

  Frank Lloyd Wright

  Funny, Land, Profound

  Quoted in Art Spiegelman and Bob Schneider, Whole Grains: A Book of Quotations (1973). Although usually attributed toWright, it was credited toWill Rogers ("Tilt this country on end and everything loose will slide into Los Angeles") in the Washington Post, 17 May 1964.

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• I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Geek, Indifference

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• We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

  Douglas Adams

  Profound, Doubt, Demand

  Douglas Adams (2010). “The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”, p.158, Del Rey

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• Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

  Bertrand Russell

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

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• I would have made a good pope.

  Richard M. Nixon

  Witty, Profound, Political

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• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

  Gloria Leonard

  Witty, Sex, Differences

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.

  Lisa Hoffman

  Love, Funny, Cute

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• Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Life, Witty

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Apr 13, 2010

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• There are no facts, only interpretations.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Encouraging, Witty, Truth

  Notebooks, Summer 1886 - Fall 1887.

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• If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Witty, Women

  Quoted in Colin JarmanThe Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

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• It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Wise, Witty, Stupid

  Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists: Stray Sayings"

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• All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

  Casey Stengel

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

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• It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Life, Sorry, Mean

  The Man Upstairs (1914) title story

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

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• How is it possible to have a civil war?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Lying, Sarcasm, Men

  Arthur Conan Doyle, Scott McKowen (2004). “The Adventures and the Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes”, p.230, Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.

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• Vote early and vote often.

  Al Capone

  Witty, Powerful, Voting

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• Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

  Pierre-Simon Laplace

  Inspirational, Witty, Doubt

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• One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Athlete, Sarcasm, Dumb

  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (2015). “Sherlock Holmes: The Novels: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition)”, p.303, Penguin

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