I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
The second mouse gets the cheese!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
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