Ken Dodd Quotes

• I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

  Ken Dodd

  Amusing

  54 Copy quote

• I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

  Ken Dodd

  Mother, Law, Months

  76 Copy quote

• I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

  Ken Dodd

  Taxation, Pennies, Taxes

  "Ken Dodd on his 60 years in showbiz: I'll keep doing live shows until I drop". Interview with Rachael Bletchly, www.mirror.co.uk. November 12, 2014.

  45 Copy quote

• Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

  Ken Dodd

  Funny, Humor, Night

  1965 Television interview, discussing Freud's theory of catharsis through laughter, whereby jokes produce a feeling of elation.

  48 Copy quote

• Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.

  Ken Dodd

  Laughter, Laughing, World

  "Dodd's Bolton bonus". Manchester Evening News Interview, www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

  46 Copy quote

• Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

  Ken Dodd

  Laughing, Faces, Trouble

  "Dodd's Bolton Bonus". www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

  28 Copy quote

• My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'

  Ken Dodd

  Funny, Educational, Night

  40 Copy quote

• Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

  Ken Dodd

  Funny, Family, Mother

  55 Copy quote

• Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

  Ken Dodd

  Funny Things, Differences, Comedy

  "Dodd's Bolton Bonus". www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

  25 Copy quote

• Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

  Ken Dodd

  Lonely, Dark, Men

  "The reviewer reviewed: 40 years of Michael Billington". Interview with Michael McNay, www.theguardian.com. December 11, 2011.

  20 Copy quote

• My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.

  Ken Dodd

  Teeth, My Own, Finished

  19 Copy quote

• The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.

  Ken Dodd

  Night, Empires, Trouble

  In 'The Times' 7 August 1965

  12 Copy quote

• I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist's dummy, I'd perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.

  Ken Dodd

  Childhood, Parent, Idyllic

  "Dodd's Bolton Bonus". www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

  54 Copy quote

• If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

  Ken Dodd

  Funny, Humor, Laughing

  16 Copy quote

• Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.

  Ken Dodd

  Monsters, Television, Eating

  "Dodd's Bolton Bonus". www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk. February 15, 2007.

  13 Copy quote

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