People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.
When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, "And now his watch is over." That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, "And now his tour is done."
I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.
I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
I like to play video games, I like to keep up with sports, and I just like to spend time with people, because I'm on the road so much that when I'm home, I like to spend time with people that I don't normally get to see.
I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh, what do I do for fun?"
I don't know anything about you, so when you randomly come up and grab my ass, this isn't a friend doing it. It's like, "Who the f### is doing...? I was not expecting that."
Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
The personal boundaries, I think for comedians they're a little bit different anyway, but I think people - feel free to do stuff - It's interesting with comedians because when we walk on stage, oftentimes we're talking about ourselves for an hour and we're talking about very intimate details, so after hearing us for an hour, a lot of people feel very comfortable with us because they feel like they know us and they're our friends because we just told them our innermost secrets and details of our lives for an hour. What they forget is we know absolutely nothing about the audience.
There is often times when I'm in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which - don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining, but it's just interesting. It's just interesting that that occurs.
Women feel safe with me as well they should, because not only am I morally objected at going too far, but physically I cannot do it.
Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because... they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can't take it to a dangerous place.
I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me.
Women feel safe with me. Because a woman with me knows that she can stop the situation from advancing to a point that she's comfortable at any time.
For strangers, what I get a lot is people calling me the opposite of what I am.
There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don't pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.
I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.
I try not to be mean for the sake of being mean, and if I do do a joke or a tweet or something that is at someone's expense - and those are my fine lines; obviously they're there - I want it to be something that's pretty much across the board we all as a society agree this is bad.
Everyone's going to have a racist tweet, a homophobic tweet, a xenophobic tweet, a misogynist tweet. Everyone's going to have a tweet or a post or something that's not going to be ideal, and because of that, you can't really throw stones too hard at the people that do, because if we examined your life in every way, shape, or form, went through every single post with a fine-toothed comb and under that microscope, would it come out all sunshine and lollipops?
Just imagine in 20 years, when candidates will have grown up with social media their entire lives. We're going to have a president where we have - where someone could go through their timeline, or someone could go through their Snapchat, or someone will find - a future president will have sent a d### pic.
It's weird when people ask me, "Why are you so nice?" It's like, "Because that's just what you should do. You should be kind to people." It seems really basic, but it's amazing how many people forget that.
I try not to be hateful.
I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you.
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