Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
or simply:
