Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
I drink to make other people interesting.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
All excess is ill; but drunkenness is of the worst sort. It spoils health, dismounts the mind, and unmans men. It reveals secrets, is quarrelsome, lascivious, impudent, dangerous, and mad.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Drink moderately, for drunkeness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise.
Drunkenness is temporary suicide.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.